


there is no me without you

by y9gurt (rydellon)



Series: everything is going (burning thin) [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (again), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, No Spoilers, Suicide, blame someone else this wasnt my fault, no beta we die like tommy in this fic, yeah nothing resolves sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rydellon/pseuds/y9gurt
Summary: He feels the nether portal behind him staring into his back. He can sense it behind him, telling him to take a step through it, to see the world around, to breathe in the clean, warm air he knows will be waiting for him.He listens. After two weeks of pure fucking torture, he listens.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: everything is going (burning thin) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043784
Comments: 19
Kudos: 277
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	there is no me without you

**Author's Note:**

> welp, last part!! hope you're happy twitter user @FixhBones, this is for you, because i've been procrastinating this because of the simple fact that i didnt want to kill tommy off. i did it. again. 
> 
> title from achilles come down by gang of youths

Tommy slips the compass into his pocket for the first time ever since he received it, and heads off towards his nether portal, stepping through with the semi-comforting weight of it in his pocket. It wasn’t particularly heavy, but the sheer mental weight that was lifted seeing that the needle of the enchanted compass was still moving with Tubbo’s movements around L’Manburg seems to be held in the compass itself, making it drag Tommy’s steps down harder than they usually were.

After almost two weeks of exile, during which he has spent most of his time in the nether, this routine (minus compass) was just sort of a habit for him, his legs automatically walking the path he had forged between Tnret and Logstedshire, turning halfway to redirect him to the portal Dream had built for him in the middle of the two. The compass bounces as he walks, distracting him from the fact that in 7 days it would be Christmas Eve, which would be the day Dream might let him enter the Smp lands again, might let him actually see the christmas tree that hangs on the wall of the small house in Logstedshire, he might be able to see his friends, his old house, his…Tubbo.

He sighs, thinking about the conversation he’d had with Ranboo a few days ago.

The half-enderman was right, he did need to talk to Tubbo at some point. He needed to find his best friend (ex-best friend? Hopefully not.) and just have a straight up conversation about his feelings. Or wait for Tubbo to come to him, since he usually spent most of his time in a place that Tommy couldn’t fucking go.

Tommy squeezes his hand around the compass and tries to not think about it as the usual nauseating feeling of teleporting to the nether washes over him, his vision swirling purple for a few seconds before he’s blasted in the face with the too-warm wind of the nether.

Compared to the cold-ish environment he lives in now (it makes sense, since he’s basically right next to where Technoblade lives, and he’s in a full winter wonderland type place) the nether is almost a breath of fresh air. The Smp lands were nearly always warm—a beautiful climate for the bamboo stalks that were so rampant across the lands, and the tropical coral in the sea— and so not only was the nether a small respite from being alone (people liked to frequent the nether, he’d noticed. Whether to go bed mining or to visit Phil’s new Blaze farm. He could see people in the nether, even if they never saw him) but it was also not cold, which Tommy appreciated.

He was so cold, all the time. He didn’t like being cold. Or alone. 

Walking in the nether did feel a bit lighter without his armour, though, although he wasn’t all that happy that it was gone. Days and days in a row now, it had been thrown in a pit along with his weapons and blown up by Dream, who would then proceed to try and throw an arm around Tommy’s shoulders and make it all better with sugar coated words and a blank, unrelenting mask.

Tommy may be lonely, cold, and entirely disconnected from reality, but he’s anything but naive.

So, Tommy had decided that today he wasn’t going to make any armour with his extra iron, not even waiting for Dream to show up so that he’d have someone ( _someoneanyoneplease_ ) to talk to before he stepped through the portal. The nether wraps around him like a blanket when he finally enters through the portal, and he walks along the cobblestone-obsidian path slowly, dragging his feet along the path, feeling the rough stone on the worn soles of his shoes. It’s horrid, but he left his other pair in the Smp lands and he can't exactly go get them, so wearing his worn out, beat-to-hell shoes would have to do.

The path is long, and if Tommy was a little more than winded by the time he got to the end he’d blame it on the heat around him instead of the fact that he’d been getting less and less sleep every night, too afraid that he might once again wake up to water filling his lungs. 

He felt like the nether hub portal had moved a little bit, but he might be wrong. A little bit further to the left than it had been before, not that it would matter to him, seeing as he wasn’t allowed to go through.

He’s half glad his wooden path hasn’t burnt, since it means he still has access to his usual sitting spot, and he knew that if it gets destroyed he may not have the energy to rebuild it.

Tommy sits down on the edge of the wooden path, on the blackstone of the main nether hub platform, and hangs his legs over the edge. Two weeks ago he would never have sat like this, looking down at the mesmerising, writhing, glowing mass of lava, but two weeks ago he had a home, so maybe that isn’t the best comparison he could make.

He feels the nether portal behind him staring into his back. He can sense it behind him, telling him to take a step through it, to see the world around, to breathe in the clean, warm air he knows will be waiting for him.

He listens. After two weeks of pure fucking torture, he listens. 

Tommy stands up in a flash, feet scrambling to grip on the floor as he rushes over to the portal and sticks a hand through, feeling the cold swirls on the middle of the arm, contrasting the warmth on the rest of his body and the part of his arm on the other side of the portal, still in the nether. He takes a deep breath and steps through.

* * *

Tommy remembers the first time he ever stepped through a nether portal.

Phil always told him that what he remembers isn’t actually the first time he stepped through a nether portal, but Tommy always countered with the fact that Phil had to nether travel to get him home doesn’t count, and that Tommy is Definitely Right On This One and that Phil should just Trust Him.

(It always worked.)

He had been five years old, and had been dragged with a hand around his wrist by an eleven year old Techno, towards the portal their father had hidden in the forest behind their current house. Well, the portal was supposed to be human, but Techno had a weird homing sense towards nether portals, and so had immediately found it when their father had made it.

Techno had pulled him through the portal, spilling promises about how it would be “ _So cool, Toms! You’ll love the nether_!”. 

The second the coolness of the portal and the overworld had faded into the burning, slow wind of the nether, a loud, haunting cry had sounded from beside them and five-year-old Tommy had burst into tears.

Techno had immediately pulled him back through the portal, away from the newly-spawned ghast and back towards their house as an explosion sounded behind them, the purple swirls of the portal hurting Tommy’s eyes as they appeared back in the dense woods.

Tommy had stepped off and immediately leaned over himself, throwing up all over his shoes and the forest floor. Techno had swept him off of his feet and rushed him back to their small house.

Tommy hadn’t gone back into the nether until he had met Tubbo, and even then it had taken a few more years (and some hand holding) to brave the place.

Strange that it was now so much of a comfort to him.

* * *

The Smp lands are as nice as he remembers. 

He closes his eyes and breathes in, the tepid air filling his lungs, and making him smile. When he opens them again he realizes that he can see the tip of the christmas tree over the community house and a smile blooms on his face.

Of course, it’s quickly wiped off by what else he can see.

Tubbo, frozen mid conversation with Dream, both of them walking up the steps towards the portal. Dream is staring straight forward at Tommy, his mask betraying absolutely nothing about what he’s thinking. Tubbo’s ear flicks once, twice (a surefire sign he’s happy, but Tommy ignores that) and Tommy takes a calm step back into the nether portal, Tubbo and Dream (both who are now sprinting towards him) disappearing in a swirl of purple.

As soon as the heat hits his back Tommy takes off, using his hand to twirl around the right side of the portal, towards the log path leading back to Logstedshire (logically he know that it’ll be pointless, but his brain isn’t thinking logically, it’s just telling him to _run_ ) stopping a mere step away from the cobble and obsidian when he feels the point of a sword press into his back.

“I told you I’d kill you if you went back,” Dream says, saccharine sweet and grating on Tommy’s ears.

“I wanted to see the tree,” Tommy says flatly.

“I’m going to have to kill you now,” Dream says back (just like Tommy thought he would), and, surprisingly, it’s not Tommy that protests.

“No!” Tubbo yells out, and when Tommy turns around he sees him at the end of the one block wide path they’re on. He’s standing on the blackstone. He never liked heights. He has an arm outstretched towards Tommy, and Tommy can see the telltale glint of an enchanted compass hanging around his neck. It makes him happy.

“Yeah, no!” Tommy repeats, a smile spreading out on his face.

“No? What, am I just going to not kill you for…for disobeying?” Dream asks.

Tommy scoffs. “God, shut the fuck up with that shit. _Disobeying_? Who the fuck do you think you are? My handler?”

Dream pushes the sword forward, and Tommy can feel the cold of the blade on the skin of his back. “We had—”

“Nothing. We aren't friends, we weren’t _ever_ friends, and if my life is ending now,” Tommy takes a deep breath and turns around to face a horror-stricken Tubbo and a blank-faced Dream, the sword now pointing directly at the centre of his chest. “It’s not going to be by your hands.”

And he throws himself off of the bridge. 

**Author's Note:**

> im fuckin uhhhh sorry ig. follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/y9gurt)


End file.
